Cardiac Nursing work life

As of December 2012, I have been on my own at work. No coaches, no person to watch for my mistakes, no one to guide me into the right decisions.  It has been stressful and rewarding at the same time. In the beginning I was scared every day that I worked. Scared I would make the wrong decision, pass the wrong medication, say the wrong thing to the patient, not know the correct answer when asked and the list goes on.  Each morning I would wake up for my new shift, my stomach was in knots. Would I walk in and take report and find out that I have no clue as to what to do to take care of them? What if, at the start of shift I have a patient that decides to go down hill in a matter of minutes, would I know what to do? Well all of my fears eventually were put in front of me and surprisingly I knew what to do. It's like when you think, if someone were in trouble would I walk away or step up?  In this profession, your only choice is to step up. These people depend on ME to save them from the ultimate goodbye. It is amazing that this profession has so much responsibility to human life. I am the first responder to their distress. Amazing. So now that I am 7 months into being a nurse on my own, I begin to think maybe I can do this.  Kind of ironic that I still have doubt but the situations facing me each time I walk into that hospital are so unpredictable. There have been a few days that were so hectic, I didn't begin to chart on patients until it was end of shift for me. I come home crying because I am so tired and stressed and feel like I could not possibly go back to work the next day.  I ask myself if I am really cut out for this. My feet burn from walking all day and pain radiates from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. Then I get a day of rest, go in for another shift which ends up being the greatest day because my patients tell me that I am a great nurse and go so far as to seek out my boss to tell her too.  There is NO WAY nursing school prepares the future nurses for what they are about to encounter in the real world. The emotional and physical toll it takes can not be explained unless of course you are a nurse as well.  I applaud those that have been nurses for as many as 20 years, BLESS THEIR LIVES!  The physical beating on their bones and muscles, their splitting headaches, their time away from family, their kids events that have been missed, vacations that never happened, meals they missed, and time given to needs of the hospital are never ending. And to do it for so long...what an inspiration. I am not even at a year and I am overwhelmed with the thought. The floor I am on now, it can be hectic, fresh heart attacks, people in dire straights, but it keeps me on my toes and I like that. I don't care too much for the politics of employment or the high school drama that occurs between people but I figure that will come with any place you work.  If I can keep some confidence in what I am doing, this might be what I am supposed to be doing....